The Surprise
by Jewelshoes
Summary: After an accident out in the carpark Jac Naylor is rush into hospital with seemingly fatal injuries, with her friends and family around and her new born baby hanging on to life in paediatrics, will she survive or will it be the end of the ice-queen regin?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**12:45, **the fluorescent clock flashed in Sahira's face as she stated time of death. De-moralised she walked into the staffroom and slumped down into a chair. _Jac, Jac should have been here. It was her case, w_as what went round Sahira's mind as she sipped a strong balck coffe.

"You alright?" Greg questioned as he sauntered in, wakening Sahira from her daze. "Yeah, it's just, well, someone needs to inform the next of kin." "Do you want me to do it?" Greg asked his college Sahira shock her head sadly, she knew it was her duty. However it was no joy, and she wasn't sure if she trusted herself not to get all emotional. "I'll do it" "Are you sure?" Greg asked kindly, he knew her problems, and didn't really want to have to comfort her as well. " You did all you could" Sahira nodded violently "Iknow, but it shouldn't have been me, it should have been Jac?" Where is she?" Greg questioned, knowing Sahira wouldn't have an answer. "Sleeping?" was only feeble reply she could muster. "I didn't know people like her need sleep! Do you want me to look for her?" Sahira nodded "Just check the on call rooms and I'll tell the relatives. "Ok, see you later, and, good luck" Greg patted her on the shoulder and left the room. Slowly Sahira dragged herself up from the seat and headed off to do the unpleasant task.

**Chapter 2**

After half an hour of giving the relatives her sympathies and insuring them, her team had done all they could. Sahira walked out the relatives' room, brushing sleep from her eyes. "Sahira!" Sahira awoke suddenly from her daze, to see Greg standing over her. "How did it go?" he asked, "as well as ever, did you find Jac?" "No, I looked in all the on call rooms, and the cafe, I wonder where she is." "Probally gone home, anyway no use waiting for her" Sahira yawned, and tried to bring herself together. Seeing how exhausted she was Greg sat down next to her saying "Sahira, look go and wash that sleep out of your eyes, before you fall asleep, and then go down to the cafe and get something to eat; I'll cover for you" "Ok, thank you" Sahira smiled gratefully at Greg and ambled out of the staffroom, heading to the toilets.

**Chapter 3**

As Sahira entered the ladies she was hit by a hushed crying noise. It was so low and mournful it made her want to cry too. "Who's here?" she questioned, and without waiting for a reply she asked "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" Slowly the crying softened to a minute whimper. Sahira walked over to the next cubicle and entered, climbing on the seat she peered over the divider. "Jac?" Sahira's voice didn't hide her shock, Jac Naylor crying? Jac Naylor had emotions? Down below sat Jac, her face hidden in her hands. "Jac, are you alright?" Slowly Jac shock her head. Sahira clambered down and went over to her door, "Jac... open up... _please_". Gradually Jac leant forward, and undid the lock. Hearing the click Sahira carefully pushed the door open and moved inside. "Jac, what's the matter?" Sobbing Jac held up a small white long stick. "A pregnancy test." Sahira's eyes widened "positive?" Jac nodded, "it's not too bad Jac, you don't have to keep it" Jac shook her head, Sahira's eyebrows rose "how long?" She questioned, she knew the answer wouldn't be good. "3 months" ,"3MONTHS?" Sahira shouted in a whisper, "how, why?" "Yes" Jac sighed "I thought it was just late" "LATE? For 3 months?" " Well after my operations, crash and the kidney transplant it's often irregular" " Oh Jac" Sahira leant over to her, hugging her, "look, take the rest of the night off, go home" Jac shook her head, her childhood flooding back to her and the truth came flooding out "Sahira, what if I'm like her? What if I can't take it? What if I'm like her?" "her?" "my mother, what if I'm like her?" Sahira tried to mask her blankness with certainty, "you won't be, Jac, you won't be" Her eyes said trust me, but really her brain was starting to panic, pregnant? Jac? All she now wanted to do was get Jac somewhere safe and secure. But curiosity prevented her from moving her just now, "Do you know who the father is?" Jac gulped, her face a crimson mess "I think, I think, I think it's Joseph's" "Oh, ok" Unsure of who this mysterious man was, Sahira decided it was now time to send Jac home "Look, go to bed Jac, go home"

"I found Jac" Sahira told Greg as she poured herself another warm coffee, "where?" "bathroom" "for this long?" "Well she's, well pregnant" "Pregnant?" "Yes, but don't judge her, she needs our support" "Does she know who the father is?" "Someone called Joseph" "Joseph, ah" Greg nodded thinking of Joseph and Jac together.

**Chapter 4**

3 months later, and Jac had got used to the small bump underneath her shirt, it was her trophy. Her medal to show she was not completely heartless. Outside in the hospital car park Jac got off her motorbike, taking off her helmet and flinging her hair around, like a red haired angel. As she locked the motorbike her phone started vibrating, and Sahira's name flashed fluorescently on the screen. After Jac had first told Sahira about her pregnancy the two had really started to hit it off. "Yes? Yeah Jessica Long, I was thinking Keyhole..." Involved in her conversation she crossed the road to reach the hospital foyer.

Suddenly the phone line went dead. "Jac?" Sahira pressed the machine to her hear as out came a shrilling scream. "Jac?" Sahira shouted down the phone, turning as Greg touched her shoulder "Sahira? What did Jac say?" "Umm, keyhole... but... but... I think she's in trouble" "Hmm?" "I think she's in serious trouble" Greg jumped back from Sahira "Where is she?" "She said she was just coming, so I guess she's in the car park?" "Right, quick, I need a crash team down in the car park right now!" Greg grabbed Sahira's hand and pulled her down the stairs.

In the car park Jac lay with her leg in an obscure position, her head covered in blood. As Sahira and Greg arrived, they saw Nick leant over her, issuing commands. As he spotted Sahira and Greg he shouted "I need a crash trolley!" "We have one on its way" Greg pointed at the crash trolley that was travelling behind them. "Who are you?" Nick asked the two; "Jac's colleges, you?" "Ex-college, head of the ED" Nick leant over her "Jac, Jac, can you hear me? You've been knocked down, and we need to get you to theatre, as soon as possible. You're in the best possible hands" Nick spoke to Jac as he lifted her onto the trolley. "Is there anything we can do to help?" Greg asked Nick. "Yes, can you page a theatre? We need to get her in as quick as possible. Also check to see if there are any beds available in ITU." "Ok, on to it!" Sahira rushes off indoors, her heart racing. Greg started to follow, when, suddenly Nick began to shout "I can't get a pulse, we're losing her!" Sahira rushed to Nick's side, kneeling down she started the cardio massage, pushing Jac through the hospital.

Inside theatre Nick enlightened Elliot and Michael on what had happened. "Right we don't know what we're dealing with, but her right leg and arm seem in a bad way, her skull is cracked and she may have several broken ribs that may have punctured her lung. We may also be dealing with multiple organ failure." Michael nodded "Yes, and we need to deliver the baby. But our attention is on Jac, she's one of ours so I need top work."

**Chapter 5**

After the operation Jac lay in ITU her life supported by machines; "Michael? Nick?" Jac said in a feeble whisper, "I'm here Jac." Michael replied quickly "You gave us quite a scare then Naylor!" Jac smiled, "How's my baby?" Nick appeared from behind the monitor, now out of scrubs and back in his 'director of the ED' suit "A little early, but she's fine, and down in paediatrics" "She?" Michael smiled, seeing the joy lighting up Jac's tired face, "Yep Naylor, you have yourself one healthy baby girl!" "Can I see her?" Jac questioned eager to see the tiny bundle she's been carrying inside herself all these months. "No, I think not yet. We need to discuss you" "But..." "No buts Naylor" Michael carefully but painfully crushed Jac's fantasy of holding her newborn. "Look Jac, you've suffered a lot, now let's just focus on you for a bit, ok?" Without waiting for an answer Michael ploughed on "Now, you suffered five broken ribs, one punctured lung, a severe head injury, a broken leg and arm, and severe bleeding in our abdomen." It took a while for the severity of her injuries to sink in, but when they did her face became a stream for tears. Michael taking pity on her, sat in an empty chair next to her, until she had calmed down. "Is there anyone I could call for you? Joseph? Connie? Your family? Defiantly Jac shook her head, she didn't want anyone here who'd left her. Who'd hurt her. "Are you sure?" Michael didn't want to leave Jac on her own, not in this state, he felt she should have at least someone dear to her here. "Yes, I'm fine thank you, we'll be fine. On our own" "Well..." "I said no Michael" Jac snapped, and closed her eyes, blocking him out.

**Chapter 6**

Instead of leaving Michael decided to stay, as the dusk fell Michael sat reading 'OK'; the only reading material he could find without leaving ITU. For a while he drifted off, dreaming of Annalese and her battle to get him to sign the divorce papers. Deep in sleep he twisted and turned, trying to get away from Ric and Hanssen, as they both demanded his wife or his work. So deep in his slumber Michael did not hear the manic beeps coming from Jac's monitor. It was only when a frantic Elliot shook him that he awoke. Pulling himself to his feet he rushed to get Jac into theatre to stop the bleed.

Hours later after an almost fatal operation Jac lay back in ITU. However this time she was surprised to see a familiar face staring concerned over at her. "J...J...J..oseph?" "Shh, don't try and speak" Joseph took her hand, but Jac obstinate as always carried on "B...b...but what are you doing here? How... how... did you know?" "Michael rang me. I came as quick as I could." Then standing up and letting go of her hand he glared down at her "For godsake Jac, what were you thinking? You could have told me! Do you know how stupid I sounded on the phone when Michael told me who'd had the baby and I asked what baby? He must have thought I was stupid! Why does everyone who carries my children got to be crazy!" "I... I'm..." "Then why didn't you tell me?" "I...I...I..." Jac struggled for breath as a sharp pain hit her lungs, making her scream in agony, begging Joseph to help her. Immediately Joseph took back everything he'd just said, his mind panicked and swiftly he pressed the help button, summoning Michael to the the operation Michael went to find Joseph, "Joseph, I'm sorry but Jac's condition is really very serious, there is a chance she may not make it through the night." As he heard those words Joseph let out a small whimper, "Is there anything I can do to help?" "No, we're fine" Then seeing his frantic expression Michael indicated for Chrissie to come over, "Nurse Williams could you take Mr Byrne to see his daughter down in paediatrics?" "Of course" Chrissie touched Joseph lightly on the arm and gestured for him to follow her.

**Chapter 7**

Down in paediatrics Chrissie lead Joseph to a tiny baby who lay in a mist of tubes. "Is that her?" Joseph let a tear travel down his check, she looked so different to the healthy baby Faye had given him. This one looked so fragile that she was almost transparent. Touching the glass that surrounded her Joseph knew instantly that she wouldn't survive. As he thought how on earth he would tell Jac the bad news, when it came, a soft hand patted him on the arm. In surprise he turned to see a motherly paediatrics doctor smiling a comforting smile. "Hello Sir, I'm Dr Chase; Miss Naylor's doctor." Joseph turned and shook her hand "Joseph Byrne" "Now I know her condition may seem serious to you, and I can assure you it is. But she's not the worst case I've seen. However she was born rather early and we are worried that the crash may have caused an injury to her brain..." "Her brain?" Joseph's voice strained "Yes but we're not sure yet. And don't worry; I've seen much worst cases pull through." Seeing his worry she suggested "would you like to touch her, she's not in a condition for you to told her, but touch is fine" Joseph nodded and pocked his fingers through the glass, holding her little hand, as she squeezed her fingers. "Have you thought of a name yet?" The doctor asked "Only... I'll be honest with you, its better to be safe than sorry." "You mean?" Joseph asked horrific thoughts flooding through his mind. "All I'm saying is its better to be safe than sorry" "I'll think about it, but thanks"


	2. Part 2

**Thanks for the lovely reviews everyone, here is a bit more of the story, and if you enjoy it there is more where it came from...**

"How's Jac?" Joseph asked, concerned, as he entered ITU bumping into Elliot. "Stable, but still unconscious, it may be a while until she is properly awake. How was the baby?" "Umm she's ok, stable too. A little fighter, she takes after her mother" Then Joseph paused, remember the doctors words, carefully he reported them back to Elliot, waiting to see his response. "Ah... maybe you shouldn't tell Jac that, just yet..." Was all Elliot said, remembering Jac's fragile state. "Of course, anything else happened while I was down with the baby?" Joseph asked out of curiosity. "Well Jac had some visitors, her colleges mostly, though Connie's promised to pop in later today. Does Jac have any relatives we could call, that you know of?" "Her mother, that's all I know of, but they're not close. Her mother abandoned her twice." Joseph paused remembering the time when Jac had come to him for the advice on what to do. He still wished he hadn't advised her to give her the kidney, if he hadn't her mother couldn't have caused her anymore pain. But then again, at least now Jac was in the right, and would never have to live with the fact; her mother had died because of her. Then realising Elliot wanted more information said "Michael would know more than me, probably." "Thanks Joseph" Elliot smiled cheerfully and went off in search of Michael.

A few minutes Elliot came across Michael in the staffroom sipping his normal Americano and pondering over what to do with the kids this weekend. "Michael?" Michael jumped, swinging his feet of the desk and brushing a hand through his hair, before turning round to face Elliot. "Sorry not busy are you?" Elliot asked, and without waiting for a reply sat down on the desk, "Hmm?" Michael took a large sip of the coffee and stared discontented, at Elliot. Seeing his glare Elliot stood up "Sorry" "No, carry on" Michael motioned for Elliot to carry on. "Well, Joseph, I mean Mr Byrne told me you know about Jac's family?" "A little... not exactly a lovely bunch I remember. Well her half-sister seemed ok, and now you mention it, I can still remember her grandfather's address. Maybe I'll give him a call..." "Thanks Michael "Elliot grinned "I'll be on a date with lunch it you need me!"

After Elliot left Michael decided to find Jac's grandfather. Finishing his coffee in one gulp he straitened his tie and went to find his car.

Whilst driving down the A4 Michael thought of taking this journey last year, it was the same situation, almost. Well not really, last year Jac was with him, now she's in hospital and wouldn't be able to move for a while. Thinking of her lying there and looking so small and fragile, made tears form in his eyes, and so viciously he wiped them away. When Michael arrived at the old man's door, he was surprised to see it looked exactly as he remembered it, bracing himself for the difficult task Michael knocked on the door.

It took a while until the door was open and there stood an old frail man "Hello?" He crooned "Can I help you?" "Well..." Michael started until he was interrupted by the old man "I don't want any double glazing, or decorating, and I've signed up to enough charities. I'm not religious either and don't want to be anytime soon..." "I'm not here to sell anything Michael stated, "Then what are you here for?" "I'm a friend of Jac's." "Jac's?" The man sounded very surprised "Yes, I brought her here last year..." "Last year? With Paula?" "Yes, anyhow I thought you would like to know, she's been involved in a serious accident, don't worry she and the baby are stable." "Baby?" The old man's mouth gaped open "Jac has a baby? Well I'd have never have guessed it, she wasn't into playing with dolls when she was young, no, preferred reading or exploring, on her own of course." Michael smiled, that was so like the Jac Naylor he knew. "Well she's in Holby City General, so if you want to pay her a visit, feel free." And with that Michael left the gawping man alone on his doorstep.


	3. Part 3

**I'm glad you are all enjoying the story; here is a bit more...**

A while later Jac lay, asleep, in ITU her life supported by machines, caringly Elliot watched on waiting for her to awake. As the anaesthetics wore off Jac was able to open her eyes and soon tried to speak, her voice still groggy from the drugs. "Elliot?" she croaked, "Jac?" Elliot moved to sit next to her a relieved look on his face. "Are you awake?" "A bit..." she mumbled "How are you feeling?" he asked, knowing the answer but trying desperately to keep her conscious. "Drowsy, sore..." Jac replied and smiled weakly "How bad was I?" "Well you did give us some shocks, but you're stable now."Elliot reassured her. "How is she?" "She?" "My daughter" Jac raised her eyebrows, not believing Elliot could have already forgotten her only child. "Oh, she's stable, I think." Elliot spoke slowly chosing the correct words, so as not to upset Jac."Can I see her? Please Elliot, I need to, she's my daughter!" "Well..." "You could bring her up here? Please? Just once?" "Ok, but now Jac, you rest." And with that Elliot left Jac in anticipation waiting for her newborn daughter.

By using some of his many contacts Elliot was able to quickly get Jac's daughter transferred up to ITU, to see her anxious mother. Jac's face lit up as he pushed open the door presenting her, her daughter. "My baby?" She asked peering over to the door where they stood. "Yes" Elliot replied pushing her daughter next to Jac's bed "Look here you can see her more clearly". Reaching her hand out to touch the glass Jac's eyes filled up with salty tears; "My baby, oh my darling, mummy will never leave you again, I promise. I love you darling, really I do. We'll stay together Posy, forever." "Posy?" Elliot smiled at the all new all caring Jac Naylor "Is that what you're going to call her?" "Yes. Posy." "Why?" Elliot questioned "It was the name of my best friend in foster care; she was the only person that cared about me. She left me too, in the end. But it wasn't her fault, she didn't want too, she wanted to stay..." A tear rolled down her cheek as she remembered all the people who had left her. "Do you want me to leave you and the baby alone?" Elliot said quickly, feeling awkward and not knowing how to comfort this new emotional Jac Naylor. Jac nodded and looked back at her daughter. As Elliot left Jac began to speak to Posy "I love you, truly, I am sorry, it wasn't meant to be like this, not like this at all... I'm sorry I let this happen. Please don't leave me, don't leave me like mum, please..." Suddenly her chest felt heavy; warily she looked at the beeping machine, resting her hand on her chest slowly her eyes closed.

Hearing the machine Elliot ran back into ITU, back to the unconscious Jac. Leaning over her he checked her responses; "Jac, can you hear me? Jac, you've had another major bleed, we need to get you into theatre now!" Paging Michael Elliot started to get prepped for theatre.

After a complicated theatre slot, Elliot finally had time to talk to a concerned Joseph, "How is she?" Joseph asked, remembering just how much he cared for her and, most importantly her daughter, his daughter, their daughter. He couldn't have two children growing up without mothers. "Well we had to rush her into theatre last night. It's not looking good. I think her family really need to be with her now." Elliot reported to Joseph. "Ok, well Michael told me he's spoken to her grandfather and apparently he rang the hospital early and told Sacha her mother and sister are here and her mother is coming to visit her tomorrow." Elliot smiled; glad of the fact Jac would have more people around her who cared about her.

The next day Paula arrived at Holby; unfortunately the first person she bumped into was Michael; "What do you want?" Michael asked frostily, remembering the grievances she's caused Jac last time they met. "I'm here to see Jackie, Jac, my daughter." Paula replied, stating the obvious. "Well..." Michael wasn't sure if he should let Paula into ITU to see Jac, he didn't know how she'd react. "Please, look she's my daughter..."Paula begged him, and remembering Elliot's strict instructions to get Jac's relations around her he said; "Well, ok Just don't upset her ok?" Michael led Paula into ITU where Jac rested.

"Mum?" Jac's voice held a note of surprise, and anger as she say Paula enter the room. "Jackie?"Paula's voice held a distinctive innocence that Jac couldn't quite believe. "My name's not Jackie. Paula." She replied in frustration. "Call me mum darling." Paula smiled sitting down next to her. "You're not my mother anymore, you can't be. A mother wouldn't leave her daughter twice." Jac screeched, "But I'm here now!" Jac's outburst shocked Paula; "Now, Paula. Not then." Replied Jac as she considered her teenager years of being alone. "I've come back Jackie, now I'm here for, forgive me." Jac shook her head slowly from side to side, remembering each time her mother had left her and how painful it had been. "I can't, I'm sorry; I want to but... oh mum, mummy why did you leave me? What was so wrong with me?" As she spoke the monitor started beeping, causing Michael to come over and usher Paula out the room. "I'm sorry Ms Burrows, but I can't have you upsetting my patient." Then he turned back to Jac who was silently crying "Jac? Alright?" Jac nodded furiously brushing away her tears.


	4. Part 4

**Thanks again for the reviews! I hope you like this chapter, longer than usual but I had a spare evening as it's the last week of term and so have no homework! Enjoy and review...**

Shortly after Paula had departed Michael presented Jac with a visitor. Sahira. The same person who, Jac had initially despised, however during her pregnancy the two had been drawn closer. Nonetheless Jac was still rather astonished to see her in the door way of ITU. Sahira still looked as angelic as Jac remembered her, and for the first time Jac could see what Greg really saw in her; as well as her beauty, which at the moment Jac could hardly compare too, her compassion. Because, Sahira's arms were full of gifts, which because of her cold past was something Jac had not regularly received. As Sahira staggered in, trying not to drop anything, Jac smiled, such a radiant smile that caused Sahira to pause to take in Jac's new appearance. In the bed lay a Jac Naylor Sahira had never seen. She looked so frail and minute. Even her skin was a tone lighter had the white hospital pillows. However her eyes were raw crimson, showing Sahira that Jac Naylor, the Jac Naylor who laughed in her face if she got a bit wet cried over a patient had cried. Sahira felt a wave of compassion for Jac, she felt so sorry for her lying there, away from her baby and minutes from death. Cautiously she sat down on the spare hospital chair, "Hi Jac." "Sahira! Why are you here?" Jac asked only to hear the obvious answer "To see you, silly" It was a simply answer and Sahira hadn't thought much about it, but to Jac it meant a lot more. No one had ever come to her without wanting something in return, sex, kidneys, a favour. No, no one had ever just come to her out of empathy. Accidently she let a tear escape from her gaze, frantically she brushed it away, hoping Sahira hadn't seen that moment of weakness. "How are you?" Sahira asked, deliberately turning away from Jac's tear. Gratefully Jac replied "Stable apparently, but you can't trust Michael" Jac laughed, cheekily grinning up at Michael. "How's Darwin?" "Good, missing your hand of steel though!" Jac chuckled "Nice to know!" Then she paused "Who's consultant?" "Me. Sorry." Sahira turned away, expecting a blast of offense. Instead Jac surprised her, "It's ok." She turned to Sahira "I'm glad it's you. I'm sure you'll make a better consultant than I ever did. It should have been your job anyway. Hanssen wanted it to be." "That's not true..." Sahira turned to face her "you rightly got that job and, you were great at it!" She reassured Jac. "Hmm, well I wouldn't be able to do surgery like this anyway!" "How bad _are_ your injuries?" Sahira enquired "Umm, broken ribs, punctured lung, head injury, bleeding in the abdomen and one broken leg and arm. Not too bad I suppose!" Jac said, considering the other patients in the hospital who were a lot closer to deaths door than she. "Ouch!" Sahira exclaimed "Well to help you feel better these are just some stuff from everyone." Sahira gestured over to the pile of gifts. "That's from AAU" she said pointing to a big box of Thorntons, a big helium balloon and huge musically card. "Sacha;s choices I guess!" laughed Jac eyeing the balloon warily. "That's from Keller" she pointed at a box of Belgium chocolates wrapped in a red ribbon. "Ooo, posh, Chrissie must have taken charge!" Jac remarked "And we on Darwin got you this..." Sahira showed Jac a huge basket containing magazines, chocolate, cake and fruit. "You shouldn't have!" Jac exclaimed and reached over to half hug Sahira, "thank you so much!" "That's not all" She commented "There are all these cards!" indicating to a pile of cards addressed to Jac. "Michael, Elliot, Nick, Sacha – again!" Jac read out the names as she opened the cards. "Hanssen, Ric, Mark and Chrissie, Ollie, and you!" She beamed "Thanks!" "Michael also told me to tell you your mother left a card, and so did Joseph..." Sahira wanted to meet this Joseph, apparently the only person to ever melt Jac's ice heart; she wanted to know why he broke it, why he'd left, what she's done. But now was not the time "And he said you'd also want to know a lady called Connie promised she'd pop in when she's back..." Another mysterious name, that meant nothing to Sahira. Mark, Connie, Joseph, all these people who must know her, like her she supposed, or even care for her, Sahira was so curious. "Really?" Jac was amazed to hear how many people cared about her "Yeah, and he said this is a card from a Dan Clifford?" "Dan?" "Yes..." Sahira felt unsure of whom Dan was but still all the same watched over Jac she excitable opened his card:

_To Olive, _– it read

_News sure does travel fast, in case you're wondering Elliot told me, we still keep in touch. _

_Anyhow, just a quick note to say hello and I hope you're recovering well. I know you're a fighter. Glad to hear about the consultant post, I knew you'd make it one day. Never considered you much of a motherly character but all the same good luck and best wishes,_

_Dan Clifford._

"Olive?" Sahira said, thinking out loud. "Yeah" Jac glared at her for reading her personal letter. "Olive" "Ok." Sahira smiled weakly, then to change the subject to the only thing she could think of, Jac's daughter. "So how is she, your daughter I mean?" "Stable too, I think." Then Jac remembered the fragile thing that had lay next to her, her heart and lungs supported by machines, her life hanging in the balance. Slowly a tear ran down her cheek, this time she let it fall, dropping on to her pillow followed by a succession of others. "Oh Jac..." Sahira stroked her arm "She will be ok, won't she Sahira, she will, won't she?" Sahira stayed silence, unaware of what to say. "Please, Sahira, tell me she'll be safe, please..." Tears flowed down Jac's face as she begged Sahira for some reassurance. "Please, please, she has to be ok, she just has to be. It's my entire fault; someone's punishing me for everything I've ever done. For Joseph, Lord Byrne, Clooney, for being the selfish bitch I am, For everything I've ever done. I'm sorry alright?" Jac looked up to the ceiling, speaking to someone other than Sahira, anyone who would listen, or who was punishing her. "I didn't mean it, any of it. Please don't harm her. Harm me. Why does everyone I love get taken away from me... please don't take her away." "Shhh, Jac, it's alright, your safe, so is the baby. No-one wants to harm you." Sahira spoke softly, calming her with her voice, while at the same time imagining everything Jac was talking about. Curiosity made her mouth slip and accidently she asked "What have you Jac, what could you have done to make yourself so afraid?" Mournful Jac looked up at Sahira, her face scarlet and her eyes bloodshot. Ignoring the question she carried on "Please don't take her away from me like mum, like Joseph, please just this once let me feel happy... please" Again curiosity let the words slip out of her mouth "Lost how? Lost how Jacqueline? You can't have really had such a hard life." She said before seeing Jac's glare and closing her mouth "I'm so sorry, Jac, I am, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry" Sahira plead for Jac's forgiveness, how could she have said something like that to someone that ill "I'm sorry." She said again. "No don't be, you should know. You should know why I'm so afraid." Jac spoke softly to Sahira "You should know why I think I should be punished, why I'm like I am, why I scared she's going to leave me." As Jac stopped Sahira gestured for her to go on, seeing the gesture Jac whispered "My mum left me when I was twelve, to work in India, I was in care for the rest of my teenage life. I was alone. The only person I'd ever loved had left me. In care I was moved around a lot, met a lot of families who said they'd care for me, love me." She shook her head "I was soon sent back. I met friends too, siblings almost, we got so close but then they were taken, fostered, adopted, I never saw half of them again. My mother left me wondering why. Why people always left me. In Holby I met Joseph. We were almost the perfect couple, apart from one thing. Me. I slept with his father. I lost them both. I realised how wrong I'd been, how much I loved Joe, but by then it was already too late. There was Faye. Faye his adoring wife, his backstabbing partner, who hated me, hated the bitch that I am. I tried to warn him of her ways, but who'd believe me. Even I wouldn't." Jac paused for breath, wiping her tear stained face "They got married and on their wedding night she kissed his best man, it went downhill from there. But she got pregnant, got mental ill as well. To put it bluntly. He made me talk to her, save _their _child. She said it should have been mine. Then she left. He left too, shortly afterwards, promising me a house in the country if I came with him. It was all too much, I said no and was left regretting it for ever since. While that happened earlier on in Holby I, I, I was attacked, by this guy, my patient. No one had thought to warm me he was a rapist. A while later he came back, I threatened to kill him; I was later arrested with murder." Seeing Sahira's shocked face she shook her head "No I didn't, but that time was one of the hardest times in my life, my friends, and colleagues deserted me, they thought I'd done it." Jac paused remembering her cell and the shocked faces on the staff back at Holby when they saw her walk back through the door "Then last year my mum came back for me. I gave her my kidney; she said she'd stay forever. But, but, but she didn't. She thought I was living donor. A spare part. Now can't you see why I'm afraid Posy will leave me? Like everyone else did." Hearing for the first time these stories from Jac, Sahira could suddenly understand everything. She felt a pang of sympathy for her colleague. "Oh Jac... I'm so sorry." Sahira had never seen Jac let down her defences like this and as always she wanted to help her. If only her friend was as easy to fix as most of her patients. But Jac would take a lot more than a few stitches to repair.


	5. Part 5

**Back again, please read and review, also I apologise in advance, as it isn't really as good as the other chapters...**

43561, Joseph dialled the number he had been forced to learn off by heart as a child. Listening to its eerie ring Joseph decided how he'd break the news to his mother. "Hello, the Byrne's residence speaking." Came Anne-Marie's voice from the other side. "Mother, it's me your son, Joseph." "Joseph, you'd called. Finally. Darling, Harry is missing his daddy, and Sophia is going abroad with the children next week, and you know I can't really look after me on my own..." Anne-Marie's voice whined, "Really mother? How nice for Sophia." Joseph faked his pleasantries, he wasn't really terrible interested in what Sophia was doing. Not when his own daughter lay struggling downstairs. "You see mother, I have some exciting news for you..." "What darling? You're not going back to that old hospital are you? You know you're above them" "No" Joseph's voice strained "No, mother. Just down here doing a favour you know that. They just needed an extra consultant for awhile. I'll be going soon." Anne-Marie breathed a sigh of relief as Joseph played her his cover story, "Thank gosh darling. So when are you picking up Harry?" "That's what I need to talk to you about. You see, you see, you see you have a new granddaughter." "Granddaughter? Joseph what are you talking about darling?" Anne-Marie's voice rose up in surprise and panic. "She's called Posy mother, and she was born a few weeks ago in Holby." "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier Joseph darling? And who is the mother? Not some slag you knocked up after Faye left?" "No... No... Mother, Jac's the mother." "Jacqueline Naylor's? That slut? Remember what she did to our family? Your poor father? Joseph how did you let this happen?" "I didn't know mother, Jac didn't tell me. I only heard it from Michael, Jac was hit by a car and the baby had to be delivered early. Jac's still in a critical condition..." "Joseph did you say she was called Posy?" Anne-Marie diverted the conversation away from Jac "Yes mother..." "Posy what? What's her middle name? Her surname?" "Oh..." Joseph racked his brains for a suitable middle name, "Umm Anne-Marie Byrne-Naylor." "Anne-Marie? Is Jac ok with that?" Anne-Marie's voice started to sound a lot more pleasant after Joseph told her that particular piece of news. "Yes she's fine about it, suggested it in fact!" Joseph lied through his teeth, Jac would not be happy with his chosen names for her daughter. "Well do bring Posy Anne-Marie round soon darling. When are you taking her home?" This last question left Joseph pondering. He was sure the doctor had said this week, whenever in fact. Posy was now free to go, He knew Jac wouldn't want him to take Posy home, but she really couldn't look after Posy yet and she wouldn't be out of hospital of a while yet. So confidently he replied "Tomorrow probably, I'll ask. " Quickly Joseph said his goodbyes and left to find Michael.

It didn't take Joseph long to spot Michael sitting in his office, drinking a large Americano. "Michael?" "Joe, buddy what you up to?" Michael looked up from a spread of patient notes to find a concerned Joseph looking down on him "Michael? I was wondering if you could tell Jac I want to take Posy home..." "Home? Where?" "Back with me" Joseph saw Michaels astonished face and explained " She my daughter, and as the father I have to do what I think is best for her." "Well, you talk to Jac, she has to hear it from you." Michael took Joseph to ITU to tell Jac the plans:

"Jac?" "Hey..." Jac gave him a small smile; ignoring it Joseph went straight to business "Look I have come to discuss our daughter, her welfare. It must always come first." Jac nodded "So I am proposing to take her to live with me, in Wales, while you recover." "No, no, no you can't, I'm begging you..." Jac's eyes filled up with tears as the thought of her baby leaving her was too much to handle "Look, Jac you're in no fit state of mind. If you don't let me take her I'm going to have to call Psychology..." "No, Joseph, please, not my daughter!" "I'm sorry Jac but the baby must come first." And with that Joseph left her in tears.

Two hours later a tall smart woman turned up at Jac's bedside, she was just the kind of person that reminded Jac of her childhood. They thought she knew what was best for her but, they never did. "Hello Ms Naylor, I'm Miss Adams, you can call me Cindy, ok Jackie?" Cindy smiled brightly at Jac, causing Jac to glower up at her "It's Miss Naylor to you "Cindy"" "Well I'm here to talk to you about the welfare of your child, Posy isn't it?" "Yes." Jac glared frostily at her "Well you see the father, Joe isn't it?" Without waiting for a reply she carried on "Well he would like to look after Posy for a bit, while you get better. Your ok with that aren't you? You wouldn't want Posy to spend the first few months of her life in hospital, would you?" "No, but, please don't take her away from me...please, please, I'm begging you!" "Look Miss Naylor if you don't corporate I'm afraid I will have no choice but to sanction you as not well enough to make decisions." "Please..." Jac begged her, she couldn't have her daughter taken away, she just couldn't! "I'm sorry Miss Naylor, that's all; I hope you feel better soon." Cindy stated as she left Jac crying softly in her bed.


	6. Part 6

Still grieving from the loss of her daughter Jac Naylor was free to leave. Understandably she couldn't go home on her own; still unable to use one of her legs and her arm it would have pretty hard to survive on her own. So gallantly Michael Spence had decided to take her in. Helping her from the car into a wheelchair Michael talked softly to her, reassuring her that she was ok, "Come on Naylor, let's get you into this chair and into a nice comfy bed." "Thanks Michael, where are you going to stay?" "Sofa I'm afraid..." Michael replied pushing Jac into his home. "Sofa? That's not fair, look let me take it, I'm the guest, and this is your home." "No, no Naylor, I'm not the one who's been knocking a deaths door for a while. You need the bed, I'm perfectly fine with the sofa, you have no idea how many times Annalese forced me to sleep on one, without giving a toss." Remembering his ex-wife was painful for Michael, she'd taken a lot from him; a partner, his children. And had even gained more for herself. To Michael it looked like she lived the perfect life: kids, a new man and a highly paid job. But Jac's moan of pain distracted him from the past and brought him hurtling into the future. "Jac? Jac are you ok? Where does it hurt?" Michaels voice rose in panic "I'm fine, Michael, just a bit of pain still from where you cut me open." Jac laughed before wincing in pain, seeing Michael's strained face she whispered "I'll be fine once I've had a painkiller, promise." Jac paused and looked up at Michael, as if reassuring him she was fine "Now, show me this marvellous bed then Spence!" Laughing Michael picked Jac up from the chair and carried her up the stairs. "Here you go..." He placed her down on the bed, then starting helping her change. Seeing her beautiful body patched up with scars made Michael grimace, she'd never be a model now. "Don't peak!" Jac squealed as she felt his cold hands touch her body as he helped her take off her clothes. "Right, night Naylor, you get some sleep. Shout if you need me, ok?" Michael tucked Jac under the eiderdown and left her to sleep peacefully.

Downstairs he poured himself a large glass of his favourite wine and switched on the telly. Focusing hard on whatever late night crap he could find, Michael tried to banish the image of Rick and Annalese from his mind. Instead centring his mind on Jac, as he thought of the pain she'd been through Michael prayed she'd never be hurt like that again. No one should go through that much pain he thought. Now he knew why she was like she was, he just wished others could see it too, she how hurt she'd been. As he thought of Jac his mind got more and more muddled, and before he knew it he was asleep on the sofa, a empty of wine lying next to him.

The next morning Michael awoke with a terrible hangover, for the first time ever he was glad he didn't have his girls here. Their playing would have made his headache a lot worse. "Jac?" He poked his head through her bedroom door on his way to the bathroom. A shock met him there. There in the bed lay Jac Naylor, deathly pale and her mouth ringing with a dangerous red, which dripped over her lips and on to the duvet. "Jac? Jac, can you hear me?" Michael ran over to the bed and lent over her, feeling her pulse. Suddenly everything he'd ever learnt left him, shaking he tumbled over to nearest phone and dialled the magic number.

"Hello, yes Ambulance please. It's my friend Jac, she's not breathing" trembling Michael told the receiver his address. In a minutes the ambulance drove into view and, without waiting for them to come in Michael grapped Jac, cradling her in his arms as he ran head over heels down the stairs.


	7. Part 7

"I want her on 15 minutes obs and her FBCs and Us and Es, please." Elliot handed over Jac's file to Chantelle "Ok Mr. Hope" Chantelle flashed him a fresh cherry glossed smile, and took the notes from his outstretched hand. Ms Naylor looked fine to her, fresh out of the major operation that had saved her life she was now sleeping peacefully. Chantelle wondered how long it would take her to get a coffee and maybe catch up with some gossip. She guessed around 10 minutes, give or take a few.

Down in the cafe she spotted Linda from the ED and was soon in a very amusing conversation with her about some of the tricks Linda had played on her colleagues. After saying goodbye with the rest of her coffee in her hand, she pushed open the door to ITU, humming a little tune as she entered. Expecting all to be well, she flicked a quick look over at Jac and saw with horror her oxygen tube was filled with blood and she lay unconscious, choking on it. Frantically Chantelle pressed for help, then reaching for the tube she paused. Should she let her suffer without oxygen or choke on her own vomit? She decided to cautiously take out the tube, whilst calling, screaming almost for anyone who could hear. Fortunately Sasha heard her yells and came gallantly to her rescue. "I'm so sorry Mr Levy, I didn't mean too..." Chantelle tried to explain "It's ok Chantelle, I'm here now, and can you page Mr Spence for me?" Sasha asked as he pushed Jac down the corridor, watching the crimson liquid cover her body.

Later that day Jac lay in a coma, Connie holding her hand, Joseph by her side, her mother, stepsister and grandfather on her right. Michael, Sasha, Elliot and Sahira stood at the end of the bed, brushing back tears. Hanssen stood in the door way, this voice the grim reapers "I'm sorry to have to tell you all, but unless Ms Naylor makes a dramatic recovery, which is unlikely, we must prepare ourselves for the worst. Our team have done their best, but Ms Naylor's too weak, it would be a shame to lose someone so talented." Michael, Sahira, Elliot and Sasha nodded in agreement, however it was more the person they'd miss than her surgical skills. Getting to know her better in the recent months they had all found out something about her they had before not know, and that they did not want to give up.

It was later that same evening that as they sat in ITU Michael noticed how suddenly her condition was improving, slowly but still, getting better. Keeping this bit of information to himself, so as not to raise hope, he clung to it over the next few days as she steadily improved.

A week or two later when she had regained consciousness the first friendly face she saw was Connie. Standing in the door way holding a large pile of gifts Connie smiled warmly down at her friend "Surprise!" She announced "Connie? What are you doing here?" "Here to see you, and cheer you up..." Connie grinned brightly, then she walked over and sat down next to the astonished Jac, "Look, I've got..." She said as she started placing things on Jac's bed "Jane Eyre, Room with a view, Wuthering Heights, a few real classics for you to get your teeth into while you can't do much else!" Jac smiled radiantly, in Care she'd never had the chance to read classics, to read at all really. She had loved reading before her mum had gone, but after that resources were limited and the only chance she ever had to read was in her English lessons. There she had enjoyed ploughing through Great Expectations, a few other Charles Dickens's and various other classics the library had to offer. She'd stopped only when her fellow pupils had started to call her Jac the Geek, leaving only to resort to bulling others to gain domination and avoid it herself.

After handing over a few boxes of chocolates and bags of grapes, to "fatten you up, you skinny thing!" Connie and Jac got involved in a long talk, involving Connie swapping mothering tips with Jac.


	8. Part 8

"Thanks once again Michael" Jac was pumped up with morphine from the hospital and sitting happily in her chair as Michael pushed her into his back garden. She was to stay at Michael's for a few months, until she was able to manage without her chair, then she was going home and Posy was to live with her. "Just as long as you're comfortable Naylor." Michael replied, smiling and readjusting the blanket, which covered her knee. "Just don't crash on me again ok?" Jac grinned "Oh I'd never be so stupid twice!"

Later that week Jac sat in the same spot watching Michael's girls run around the garden. So carefree and angelic, Jac envied their peace of mind, their innocent. She wanted to be like them, loved, cherished. The more she looked at them the more she thought of her childhood, how she'd been forced to grow up so quickly. The oldest girl must have been around her age when she was compelled to realise she wasn't loved and never again would be. As thought about this she vowed to never let her own daughter experience life the way she had. She would never leave her without saying goodbye. The more she considered her daughter a few salty tears started rolling down her cheeks. Unfortunately this caught the attention of Michael's eldest daughter "Jac, are you ok? What's the matter?" "Nothing, just remembering." Jac forced a smile to her face "Don't you worry about it" Then pulling herself together and wiping her eyes, she drew another fake radiant smile and said loudly; so to get the attention of the other girls "Now who wants to go and get an ice-cream, I think I just heard the tune!" Hearing the delighted screams from the other girls, she dug out her purse and handed them a ten pound note. "Go and choose yourselves all something from the van." She said as she shooed them out the garden, into the direction of the tinkling sound. As the children disappeared Michael walked into the garden talking furiously to Annalese; who had come to pick the children up from their brief stay at their fathers. Spotting Jac sitting in the corner they rapidly stopped the furious whisper. "Oh, hello Jac how you doing?" Annalese spoke first stretching out her hand, Jac took it gratefully. She'd noticed how differently people now treated her with her injuries. "Hi Annalese. Much better thanks; just a few aches!" "Oh, of course, well I hope you feel your old self soon!" Annalese said, then dropping the niceties she got to business "So where are _my _girls?" Sensing rivalry Jac replied causally "I sent them to get an ice cream, they were hot and I heard the van." "Well" Said Annalese in a bored voice "I suppose I can wait, however they have a party which we simply must get back too." "Oh."Jac replied then winced suddenly, clutching her side. "Jac?" Michael leant over her "its ok, it's gone now." She reassured him "But, umm, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to go back to bed now, give the girls my love." "Of course" Michael steered her inside, turning to Annalese he said "Your see to the girls yeah?" "Hmm" She responded "Of course."

Lying in her bed Jac considered Posy. She really wanted to see her, but the few times she'd suggested it Michael had jumped to a swift and certain no. He'd firmly stated Jac needed all the help and rest she could get, and having a baby around would not help. After his decision Jac had felt self-consciously rude and ungrateful, making a mental note not to suggest it for a while. However, the thought kept coming back to her, nagging her, clawing away at her heart, until she buckled. "Michael..." "Yeah Naylor?" "Umm, it's just... well" "Spit it out Naylor." "It's, well, shouldn't I, I mean, don't you think I should be spending some time with my daughter?" Michael looked pained, he knew really she should, but he enjoyed having her around too much to let her go. "Yes, but you are still very weak, maybe after you've started walking again?" "But, but she's my daughter, my daughter." "I'm sorry Jac; I think it's best to wait a while."Then seeing Jac close to tears Michael spoke again "well, I suppose I could talk to Joseph..." Gratefully Jac smiled up at him "Thanks Michael"


	9. Part 9

**Please read and review! **

Lying in bed the next day Jac listened to Michael talk on the phone to Joseph.

"She needs to see her daughter Joe" Michael paused, listening to the voice on the other side "Yes, I understand, but maybe just for a week?" "Ok, a few days?" "You could stay in a hotel, or even at her flat? I'm sure she wouldn't mind" Jac nodded furiously, waiting for Michael to enter her room. In a few minutes her door burst open "I did it!" Michael announced "Joe's bringing Posy and Harry down to stay!" "Where's he staying?" "His mother's" "When's he coming?" "Monday" Only two days away but already Jac sat up as if to get ready and greet him. Seeing this Michael leant over "Whoa Naylor, its two days away, relax. Let's get you in good shape for Posy" Jac nodded, and then lay back, falling into a light slumber, only to be awoken by the doorbell. "How is she?" Said a cheerful female voice. "Resting" Replied Michael, "Can we see her? We were on our way back from the park and I thought I'd pop in and see you two!" "Well, why not poke your heads round the door and see if she awake, I'll make coffee." Listening Jac was unsure who the female was, straining she heard them come up the stairs, trying to gather some clues of who they were. "Surprise!" Connie flung open the door, presenting herself and Grace. "We thought we'd pop round to say hello!"Connie glided into the room, pulling Grace behind, kneeling down she said "So how are you? Out of the chair yet?" "Better and no, not really, I'm practicing." Jac replied answering both questions at once. "Sorry I couldn't come earlier, dad's been in and out of St James" Connie spoke softly thinking of her father "Oh, I'm so sorry, how is he now?" Jac felt a pang of pain for forgetting Connie's troubles. "Well he's currently in hospital" Then she lowered her voice Grace couldn't hear her. "I don't think he'll make it out this time, he's been in for a few months, his dementias getting worse, and I think the doctors are letting him stay there to die." "Oh Connie" Jac reached out to comfort her friend. "I'm so sorry..." "Yeah, well we all have to go one day." Then changing the subject she asked "So how's Joe, any word from him?" "No not since the hospital, but Michael's spoken to him and he's coming down on Monday." Jac's eyes lit up as she spoke "He's bringing Posy!" "Great news!" Connie smiled brightly, trying to be happy for her friend. "She's adorable, I met her when Joseph was down to see you in Holby." Jac nodded, she knew Posy had too met her mother, and from what she could understand it had gone ok. But she'd made no calls to say she wanted to see her again. That had hurt Jac that her own mother hadn't wanted to see her only grandchild, she'd tried not to take it too personally, but it was hard.

"Mummy" Grace interrupted Jac's thoughts with her whine "I'm bored..." "Ok sweetie, why don't you go down and ask Michael if you can play in the garden? Mummy wants to talk to Jac for a bit longer." "But... you promised me today would be just you and me, mummy and Gracie" Grace continued to wine "But Gracie, mummy would like to talk to Jac for a bit longer, and then we can go, ok?" "Don't worry you go..." Jac spoke hearing Grace's requests. "No, no, she'll be fine." Connie turned back to Grace "Go and find Michael, go on, off you go" Connie pushed Grace towards the door. "Sorry" Connie turned back to Jac "Sorry, about Grace. It's just well, we haven't really spent much time together, I've spent most of my time at St James with dad, and when he's home we spend most of our time with him. Grace doesn't enjoy it much; he can't even remember her name most of the time." Connie brushed back a tear, seeing this Jac reached over and touched her hand. "It will be ok Con, it will all be ok." Shaking her head Connie stared up at Jac "You know better than me there will never be a happy ending. I'm sorry Jac, but it's the truth, you're the only person at that hospital who knows pain more than anyone." "Stop it Connie, stop it, please." Jac whimpered "Please don't remind me." "I'm sorry Jac, but it's the truth. I wish it wasn't, I wish dad could remember my name, I wish he wasn't that ill, I wish I'd spent more time with him, but wishing doesn't count. I can't change anything." "Oh Connie..." Jac felt a tear slide down her cheek "I'm so sorry..." "It doesn't matter" Connie abruptly stopped, embarrassed of her previous conversation " I'll be fine. I better make a move, Grace doesn't stay patient for long." Connie stood up, kissing Jac on the head. "Goodbye, look after yourself now. I hope things work out with Joseph." "Bye..." Jac said tearfully, turning away. Suddenly she regretted asking Joseph to visit, it wouldn't work out. Connie was right. It would never work out for her.


	10. Part 10

Over the weekend Jac had worked hard to prepare herself for her first proper meeting with her daughter. She didn't know what she'd do if Posy rejected her, she'd heard stories that babies needed to be with their mothers for the first three months of their lives, and Posy really hadn't. Michael had tried to reassure her it would all be fine, but Jac couldn't really quite believe him. It was Monday now, Monday evening, Joseph was due to arrive any minute now and Jac was in the bathroom, carefully trying to apply her makeup. Her hand shook as she covered her lashes in a dark mascara and she waited painfully for the fatefully ring. _Ding dong _Jac jumped swiftly she put down the makeup and had a last look at herself in the mirror. She looked skinnier than she'd ever been, and her skin was a disturbing light grey. The rose circles she'd positioned on her cheeks, made her look like a clown and furiously she scrubbed them off, only to leave and even more scarlet patches in their places. "NAYLOR? WHERE ARE YOU? JOE'S HERE!" "Coming" Jac whispered in reply, heading down the stairs. "Jac..." Joseph stood in the doorway burdened with a baby carrier and a bottle of wine. "Joe..." Jac replied softly "You came" "Of course." Joseph put down the carrier and walked over to Jac embracing her. "I'm sorry I left you, I'm so sorry I took Posy." "It's ok, you're here now. I've missed you so much, really I have." Jac wept, "I'm here for you, I'm so sorry." Joseph felt tear after tear fall down his face, until it felt like a waterfall. "Why don't you two go into the lounge, and I'll make some us some drinks." Michael quickly excused himself.

In the lounge Jac and Joseph sat thigh to thigh on the sofa. "Can I hold her?" Jac asked, gesturing to Posy "Well, I can't see any harm in it" Joseph leant over and raised Posy out of her carrier, placing her in Jac's arms. Slowly Jac cradled her baby, singing softly, as she sang Joseph moved from the sofa and brought out a camera from his bag, carefully he pressed his finger on the button, snapping an instant freeze frame of the two Naylors. After each shot Joseph moved to a different position. As he moved Jac let Posy sleep in her arms. Until however Posy started wailing a thin whispery cry. Before Jac could open her mouth, Joseph had put down the camera and snatched Posy out from Jac's arms. As he pulled a bottle out of the bag and placed in Posy's mouth, Jac looked remorsefully on. "Could I, could I feed her?" "Feed her?" Joseph looked surprised "Yes, like a normal mother would, I could the bottle?" "Well, ok" Joseph placed Posy and her bottle back in her mother's arms. As Posy started to suckle softly, Jac looked on delighted "Thanks Joe." "I've missed you Jac..." "Me too Joe, me too." "Jac, I think, I think, I think I love you." Joseph paused, taking in what he'd just said "No, I know that, I love you Jac Naylor." " I, I, I,I love you too Joseph" unexpectedly Joseph knelt down "I don't want to spend another second apart from you. I don't want to spend my life with anyone else. " Joseph paused and Jac looked on expectedly "Jac Naylor, will you, will you, be my wife?"


	11. Part 11

Slowly Jac shook her head "No, no, I can't Joseph, you know I can't. I can't leave Holby, my friends and my career, I've worked so hard to be at the top, and now I am, I don't think I can leave that Joe." "Then, I'll move down here, we'll stay in your flat for a bit and then we'll find a bigger place. We'll be the perfect family, me, you, Posy and Harry." "No." Jac shook her head, tears falling down her face "I can't, I can't be a mother to Harry, I just can't. How can I be a mother to a child who, whenever I look at him will remind me of every stupid mistake I've ever made, every person I've hurt. It isn't fair on him; he deserves a proper mother, someone who will never judge him for others mistakes. Please Joe, I find someone, someone simply, with no complicated past, no string of ex-husbands and no manipulative ways. Someone caring, because I can't leave you on your own, you know that. I love you, so much it hurts, but I can't, I can't marry you, I can't hurt you again. Please this is the easiest way. I'm so sorry, but we can never be together again, we have too much history, our life together could never be simply. Not now I've done so much to harm it. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you, but please, please go, please, I can't bear it." "Jac? No please I want you, need you, please?" "No, no go, go please Joseph, before I change my mind. We can't ever be lovers, just friends, good friends, but not lovers. We can see each other regularly; Posy can stay with you frequently. That's fair yes?" Jac cried as she saw Joseph shake his head "Please, please go, now. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Jac wept as she turned her back, using all her will power not to turn around and beg him to stay. "Jac, please?" she heard Joseph beg "No, please, I'm sorry." Then she stayed turned around until she'd heard him walk out the room and leave the building. The minute he left burst in to heavy tears, silently speaking to him _I'm sorry, please god Joseph forgive me. Please see the sense in this; please promise me you will understand. _

**I'm sorry for all the Jac-Joe fans out them, it broke my heart writing this chapter, but I didn't want this story to be the same as many of the other great ones on FanFiction, I wanted to give it a bit of a twist. I hope you enjoyed it though, please R&R **


	12. Part 12

**Please read and review!**

Jac sat slumped in her seat, her head hurt, and she swore she'd never had so much to drink in her life. Michael was out and slowly, but steadily she'd emptied his well stocked wine cupboard, trying to cure the hole in her heart. She wished she hadn't said no, hadn't turned him away, but the risk of hurting him again was just too great and, now she had to live with a broken heart forever.

Jac ran her hand over her tear stained face, rubbing her aching head. Pathetically she drew her arms round herself, making a makeshift cuddle. Quietly she cried herself to sleep, her hands wrapped round her body and an old jumper of Josephs. _Ring ring_, Michael's landline started ringing, waking Jac from her slumber. "shhhuuurrruuuppp" Jac slurred, rubbing her eyes "I'm not interested..." The phone ignored her requests and carried on pestering her. "Oh, for gods sake." Jac leaned over the sofa, and violently picked up the phone "Hello..." "Hello, this is Penrith Hospital, is Ms Naylor there?" Penrith, the word started ringing alarm bells in Jac's head, Penrith equalled Joseph, Joseph equalled her daughter. "Yes, yes, speaking." "Hello, we've got a Mr Joseph Byrne here, he was found with two children, one we believe is yours."

_After Jac's refusal Joseph had grapped Posy and ran out the building. Once he'd strapped Posy in, and picked up Harry from his Mother's, he'd driven furiously all the way back to Penrith. Each time he let himself think back to that fateful proposal he stopped focussing on the road and had to swerve suddenly, to avoid hitting a the rest of the traffic. Soon Posy was balling nonstop and Harry had joined her, even Joseph felt tears drip down his cheek. _You're their father for god's sake, you just made them cry, what kind of father does that? What kind of father doesn't protect his children, the ones he love? _He hadn't been there for Jac, hadn't stopped her in the car park, and hadn't held her hand as she'd given birth. _You're a rubbish father _he told himself _Jac Naylor couldn't even love you enough to marry you, you'll never be loved, no one loves you, Jac even preferred your father to you. Faye preferred your best man. What kind of guy are you, if people are so repulsed? What kind of monster? _As Joseph entered his drive, he stopped the car and unstrapped both the children; violently he flung the front door open and pulled the two into the kitchen. There on the sideboard sat his OCD medication. It looked so tempting, so tempting just to take it all, and be done with it, he remembered when he'd last done that and who'd saved him, and how many times she'd hurt him since._

_Instead Joseph opened this fridge and pulled out a rare beer, he wasn't much of a drinker, not with such young children to look after. When he went out he usually had one or two glasses of wine, unlike his ex-colleague Greg, who would drink the entire bar if he could. But today, just this once Joseph decided to kick back and enjoy a few. He had a little stored at the bottom of the fridge, and a number of bottles of wine which he kept in the wine rack for guests. Loading his arms with as many as he could carry he stumbled into the living room, leaving Posy and Harry alone in the kitchen. _

_After numerous bottles of wine and cans of beer had been emptied Joseph staggered into the kitchen. He was oblivious of the two bodies that lay at his feet. Eyeing the bottle of medication, Joseph wondered how easy it would be just to slip away, unnoticed, Jac wouldn't care, he was sure of that, she didn't want him, didn't need him. Reaching out to take the bottle in his hand he realised suddenly that the cap was unscrewed and the bottle was lying on its side. The sideboard was just high enough for a young child to knock over something with the top of its fingertips, letting the contents spill onto the floor. Slowly to his horror he understood what had happened. Hastily he turned to try and spot the children, before seeing to his terror their bodies lying still by his feet. Worriedly he reached out for the phone, ringing the magic numbers and explaining what had happened. As he put the phone down, his own stupidity and drunkenness overwhelmed him and without thinking he poured the rest of the contents of the bottle into his mouth. _

"My daughter, Posy. What's happened to her? What's happened to Joseph?" Jac screamed down the phone a while later "I can't discuss too much details over the phone to you, especially as you're not Mr Byrne's next of kin, but I can say he's in a very critical condition." "But, but Posy, what about her, I'm her mother, you have to tell me!" Jac felt her voice rise up in panic, and her throat start to clog with tears. "Posy's condition is serious, but we're dealing with it, it shouldn't be fatal." "What's happened to her?" Jac heard her heart thumb in agitation. "She experienced an overdose" "an overdose? What happened, who gave it to her?" "When Mr Byrne phoned the emergency services, he said he found them there, he said, he'd been drinking, and hadn't noticed this happen, as they were in a separate room. He sounded apparently ok on the phone, but when they found him, he, himself had suffered a serious overdose." Jac dropped the phone in shock, leaving it hanging via its wire in her hand. As she stood there awful images started floating round her head, she had to get to him, to them, she had to save them. Picking up her mobile she furiously stabbed in Michael's number, clutching the phone to her head she ring it twice, and was put both times to answer phone. Exasperated she didn't know who to call, who would be awake at these hours and who didn't have any ties and could take her to Penrith straight away. Gazing at the contents of her mobile, her eyes rested on Sacha's number, he wouldn't she was sure, he didn't have any children at home with him. Without thinking she typed in his number, holding the phone to her ear; "Jac, Jackie Jac, what can I do for you at this hou..." "It's Joseph Sacha, you have to get me there" Jac screamed, interrupting him "Please, he's in hospital, with Posy, help him..." "Look Jac calm down, he'll be ok." Sacha spoke softly "Now tell me exactly what happened..." Without stopping for breath Jac told him everything. "You have to help him, Sacha, its Joseph!" she gasped "Ok, Jac I'll be round in a few minutes."


	13. Part 13

Gallantly Sacha appeared at Jac's in only a few minutes. Stepping through the door he wrapped her in a huge bear hug, for the first time Jac relented and let herself fall into his arms, as she cried Sacha spoke softly to her "It's ok Jac, I'm here." Slowly he untangled himself from her grasp "Let's get you in the car, do you need over night things?" "Probably..." Jac nodded tearfully, dragging herself upstairs to get some clothes packed.

10 minutes later Jac appeared downstairs, in her hand she held a small bag of clothes and necessitates. "Hey, there you go, get this down you, before we head off." Sacha handed Jac a small mug of coffee, she smiled gratefully back, Sacha was always there for her, he never left her, and he never wanted anything back. "Don't you need any overnight things?" She asked "No" He replied "I packed them on my way out. Now..." Sacha said as he saw her finish her coffee "Shall we get going?" Nodding Jac placed the mug in the sink and pulled out a sheet of paper _Joseph and Posy ill, me and Sacha gone to see them, don't know when we'll be back. Don't worry about me x _she wrote, leaving it on the side for Michael. Then she grapped Sacha by his arm and together they set off in his car.

The minute Jac hit the leather seat she fell into a heavy sleep, leaving Sacha to drive her to Penrith. Listening to the silence that hung over the car, Sacha wondered how to tell Hanssen he wouldn't be in work for a while. With one consultant down, Hanssen had stopped allowing holidays and upped everyone's working hours, it was only supposed to be for a few weeks, but those weeks had turned into months. Trying to push the thought of work from his mind, Sacha turned on the radio, humming along to reggae, it took Sacha a while before he realised Jac's phone was ringing. Pulling over Sacha grapped the phone and put it on speaker. "NAYLOR, WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?" Michael's angry voice filled the car "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? GET BACK THERE NOW, YOU'RE NOT WELL ENOUGH TO BE OUT ON YOUR OWN, YOU CAN'T EVEN WALK PROPERLY YET. COME HOME AND WE'LL SORT THIS MESS OUT." Hearing Michael's voice Jac awoke from her slumber "Michael?" "Naylor, what the hell are you playing at?" "It's Joseph Michael, he's had an overdose, and Posy, she's with him." "Ok Naylor, I know your panicking but that's not gonna solve anything. Are you driving to Penrith?" "yes" "On your own?" "No, Sacha's taking me." "LEVY" Michael barked "I'd have thought you of all people would know better. She's barely just out her chair yet!" "Michael" Sacha replied "I know. But she's got to be there for her child, and Joseph. There was no-one else available; I was the only one who could take her." "Right Levy, tell me where you are, and I'll get in the car and follow you." "Ok, we're around 10 miles from the Seven ." "Ok, look, Naylor you rest and Levy, I'll get going now." "What about Hanssen?" "Stuff Hanssen, look I'll phone him on the way, I'll tell him we'll both be off for a while. Sunil can cover for me."

Racing Michael slung a bag in the car and head off to follow them. Once he was in the car, he placed his phone in the hands off holder and dialled Holby. "Hello, Mr Hanssen's Office, how can I help you?" _ "_I need to talk to Hanssen" "I'm sorry, he's not here at the moment." "GODDAMIT Hanssen!" Michael yelled at the phone, thumbing the wheel in frustration. "Look, I can get someone else for you, if it's really important, or you could leave a message?""Who else is there?" "Mrs Shah, Mr Douglas or Mr Spence." "No! I'm Mr Spence! Get Mrs Shah on the phone." Michael paused "NOW!" "Ok Mr Spence, no need to shout" Michael sighed and started drumming his fingers on the wheel. "Michael?" Michael could hear Sahira's breath on the other side of the phone, showing she'd ran from the ward. "I was in theatre. What's happened? It's Jac isn't it? What's she done, she's not back here is she?" "She's gone to Penrith." "PENRITH?" Sahira screeched "Why? Without you?" "Yes, she's with Sacha. Posy and Joseph are in hospital. I'm following them." Sahira recognised the urgency in Michaels voice. "Do you want me to organise cover?" "Yes" Sahira heard Michaels voice relax "Yes, yes please Sahira. I just have to make sure Jac's ok." Sahira nodded "I'll tell Hanssen."

As Michael put down the phone, Sahira waited for Hanssen. Now out of theatre, she sat behind his desk, arms folded, and waited. Sahira liked Hanssen, he'd been her mentor during her years of a junior doctor. He'd protected and for that she'd always be grateful. When she got the phone call from him, she'd been really happy to hear from him, and keen to take the position at Holby. She just wished he's warned her about the fact she'd be fighting for the position, and fighting against someone who took losing, very badly indeed. "Ms Shah." Hanssen's dull monotone interrupted her thoughts "Henrik." She rose from the chair, standing to meet him "I was just on the phone to Michael, Mr Spence, and he told me to tell you he and Sacha, Mr Levy " She corrected herself "Won't be in for a while." "I suppose" Hanssen replied "That this is something to do with Ms Naylor?" "Yes" "I assume she's well?" "Well, she's gone to Penrith." "Well, well, this is most inconvenient" Hanssen observed the situation " Well, Mr Malik can stand in for Mr Levy, and Mr Barty can cover for Mr Spence." Hanssen looked at Sahira "That is all." He said, opening the door for her.


	14. Part 14

**Hello, me again! Taken me a stupidly long time to put up this chapter, sorry. I wrote the first draft ages ago in a note book during the summer, yet have only just got round to writing it, because I was never sure if I should upload it…**

The sun was starting to rise over the as they arrived at Penrith hospital. Pushing through the ED doors Sacha walked up to the Main desk, Jac leaning exhausted on his shoulder. After catching the attention of the receptionist, Sacha grinned "Hello, my names Sacha Levy, and this is Jac Naylor." He motioned to Jac's body hanging limply off his arm "We're here to see Joseph Byrne and Posy Byrne-Naylor"

"Well…" The Receptionist scrolled through his computer "Mr Byrne's in resus at the moment, and Miss Byrne-Naylor is down in paediatrics along with a Mr Byrne."

"Mr Byrne?"

"Harry…" Jac murmured softly "they said he'd taken some too…"

"It's ok; it's all going to be ok…" Sacha draw Jac a little closer into him "can you show us Mr Byrne please?"

" Of course" the receptionist smiled sombrely leading them to where Joseph lay lying in a slim bed.

"Hello" A cheerful woman appeared behind Jac and Sacha "You must be Miss Naylor I presume" and without waiting for a reply she outstretched her hand "I'm Ms Flenningham, Mr Byrne's consultant, I've been monitoring his progress."

"How is he?" Jac asked, speaking to Ms Flenningham but staring continually at Joseph's limp body. "Joseph… Joseph, it's me, Jac, oh god, Joes I'm so sorry…" She placed her hand on his and looked up at the consultant "Please save him, please, I can't live without him…"

"Ms Naylor it's not looking goof, these next few hours will be critical."

"I'm so sorry Joe… I'm so sorry…"

"Ms Naylor, would you like me to take you down to paediatrics?"

"Yes…" Jac scrunched up her eyes and biting her lip turns to Sacha "Sacha, go and get some rest, I'll go and see Posy."

Leading Jac down to paediatrics a consultant filled her in on Posy's condition. "She's experienced a light overdose her symptoms were severe, however we now have them under control."

Jac nodded "But she will be ok, won't she? She didn't experience any brain difficulties?"#

"No" the consultant touched Jac's shoulder "no, she'll be ok."

"I didn't mean to leave her… I really didn't. I thought she'd be ok, I thought he'd keep her safe… I thought he'd keep her safe…" She repeated softly as she was led to where Posy lay.

"Posy" Jac rushed forward

"Miss Naylor?" a tall blonde caught Jac's arm "I'm Inspector Lily Jerry. I'm dealing with this case."

"Case?"

"Yes, you have to understand this is protocol. We have to make sure we're not dealing with a case of child neglect."

"Child neglect?" Jac's eyes widened in fear "you have to understand, this wasn't my fault!" Jac pleaded, suddenly her leg gave way and she stumbled, falling down onto the clean lino.

"Ms Naylor?" the inspector leant down next to her "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine" Jac snapped her face twisted in pain "I just need a chair"

"A chair?"

"Yes. A wheelchair, this is a hospital I presume you had an acquaintance with one?" The inspector nodded beckoning a nurse towards her.

Once outside the nurse parked Jac next to a bench. As Jac sat in the chair she let the cool breeze brush past her, as she thought of everything, of everyone, of all her mistakes. She needed Posy, she needed Joseph, needed them both. "Naylor?" Jac was shaken from her thoughts by Michael's voice. "Naylor?" Michael shouted again, running towards her "what are you doing out here? Why are you in a wheelchair? Where are your crutches?" Michael's questions whirled around Jac's head; until all she could do was clench her eyes shut and wait for him to cease talking.

Then she spoke, her words slowly forming in the air "I fell. I left the crutches back at yours. I forgot."

"You fell?" Suddenly both Sacha and Michael were at her side "Where? How? Are you ok?"

Jac nodded "In paediatrics, my leg gave way."

"We need to get you checked out."

"I'm fine. I just couldn't stand any longer.

" "Did you hit your head?" Michael began fussing, firing questions at Jac " "How does it feel?"

"What?"

"Your head… everything."

"Umm…"

"Naylor, I need an answer."

"A little sore"

"Concussed? What about your arm? Your leg?" Michael's voice rose as he fired more questions at her, calming only once Sacha placed his hand on his arm "Michael, let her be. You need to be checked out Jac but we'll take you to the ED."

"No, Sacha, Michael, I'll be fine. I'll sleep it off. Just take me to the relatives' room and I'll get some rest. _Please_" She begged catching them returning equally concerned glances.

"Ok." Michael answered "but once we're back in Holby you're coming in and getting checked out." Michael told her and began wheeling her to the relatives' room.

"So how was Posy?" Michael asked manoeuvring her into a spare place in the room.

"Stable." Jac looked towards him "They've got the police involved, they think it was an issue of child neglect."

"Oh Jac…" Sacha placed his hand on her shoulder, comforting her. "How was Harry?" he asked, trying to take her mind off the day's events.

"I didn't get to see him… I didn't even get to spend time with Posy. I need to go back. Michael, Sacha take me back." She demanded her eyes wide with panic.

"Naylor, you listen to me and you listen hard. You're going to stay here and get some rest; it's been a traumatic day. Sacha and I will find out more about Joseph, Posy and Harry." Jac opened her mouth to disagree but Michael stopped her, and with that left with Sacha in tow.

Once she was alone Jac stared at her surroundings. She never been in a relatives' room before, expect to break the bad news. This room practically reeked of salty tears and grief.

Opposite her sat a woman with a young child on her lap, and an older child leaning sleepily on her shoulder. "When will daddy be out mummy?" The younger child asked "He'll be ok, won't he?"

The woman nodded in response her eyes sporting dark circles and her face worn with grief and anxiety. "Just remember darling, he loves you, daddy loves you."

Jac's eyes swivelled away from the family, dropping on young couple who looked up expectantly as the door opened. "Mr and Mrs Close?" A trainee doctor asked. The couple nodded in return. "I'm so sorry…" the doctor began. Jac closed her eyes and tried to block out the bad news she could hear being told. Forcing herself to sleep she dreamt only of a recurring dream she used to have when she was little.

It was in her care home. Her birthday and she was all alone. No presents, no friends, no family, when suddenly the door at the far end swung open, revealing her mother. She was calling "My daughter, my daughter, I want my daughter! There's been a mistake; I didn't mean to leave her!" Seeing her mother Jac stood up and began running towards her "Mum, mummy, I'm here, it's me!" Seeing the pounding Jac Paula just stared. "She'd not my daughter, that's my daughter!" She beamed pointing to a girl, who had just appeared at the end of the room. However suddenly something changed, this time Paula turned round "Jac, Jac, JAC" Jac found herself being shaken awake by Michael.

"It's Joseph."

"Why? What's happened to him?" Jac looked up to see the pain in Michael's eyes. "Michael, MICHAEL! What's happened to Joseph?" Jac started scream hysterically.

"Ms Naylor, calm down." Ms Flenningham spoke softly from Michael's side. "I'm so sorry Ms Naylor, Joseph suffered a cardiac arrest ten minutes ago. A cardiac arrest is when…"

"I KNOW WHAT A CARDIAC ARREST IS!" Jac interrupted her hysterically "I'm a bloody cardiac consultant. Why are you telling me this? People can survive cardiac arrests. I know they can. They can can't they?" Jac asked her eyes welling with tears "TELL ME THEY CAN!"

"Ms Naylor, I'm sorry, Mr Byrne didn't make it, his heart was too weak."

"No, no, no, no please, please no!" She began crying loudly, disrupting her silence to the relatives' room. "

"Our team did the best they could, Mr Byrne was very weak."

"No, why Joseph… why not me" Jac covered her head with her hand aware of the disturbance she was causing. "Take me to him, please, I need to see him."

"Ms Naylor, his body's in resus, if you would like to see him before we take him to the morgue?" Jac nodded.

As Ms Flenningham took Jac to where Joseph lay she said soothingly to Jac "Mr Byrne's mother will be here shortly. Would you like to be here when she comes?"

Jac shock her head in response "She'll kill me. She'll blame me, because it's my fault." Realisation hit Jac "He's dead, the love of my life is dead, and it's all my fault."

"Ms Naylor" Ms Flenningham reminded her "his is no-one's fault, I'm sure his mother will understand."

"She won't, because oh…" Jac stopped short facing Joseph's body. "Joe? It's me Joes, Jac." She spoke softly as she lowered herself onto the bed "I'm so sorry Joseph. I'm so sorry for everything. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry for everything I've done Joe, all the pain I've brought you. Please wake up. Please, Joe, don't do this to me." Jac curled her body up on the bed next to his. Her legs tucked into her stomach and her arms around Joseph, and then she wept.

**I'm sorry guys! I felt awful killing him off, but it had to be done, and plus I'm better at writing sad stuff! Please review, every little one means so much! xxx**


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